What I've Learned This Year, So Far

4/18/2016


I haven’t written or photographed anything in a while.
And the explanation is a simple one: I have been afraid to be alone with my own thoughts.

While my usual photography blog posts do not contain any of my deepest darkest secrets, a lot of emotions get channeled in the process of creating them, and because I have not been in the best shape mentally, I have stopped making them.

And now that I have kind of managed to gather myself, I thought I would get on my ass for a moment to document the things that have been making me feel so shitty, and what I’ve learned from it.

Health is so important. Physical health. Without it, you are set back from overcoming any other stresses in life. Even the slightest sleep deprivation, missing meals, or crashing from too much caffeine (a normal amount, in my case) can throw you off for days. Sickness has the power to consume your whole being and occupy your life. Battling even the smallest skin problems distracted me from school so much completely that it kept me from doing anything productive. If there’s anything to take away from this, it is to take care of your body like it’s the only one you get.

So far this year, I learned that you are only as alone as you make yourself to be. You are only surrounded by the people who you open up to. People care when they see that you trust them. Social media makes it seem so easy to tell people how we feel, but in reality it is the hardest thing to do. When you feel like shit mentally, it’s embarrassing to say out loud because personal thoughts always sound stupid. It’s like having a nightmare that when you say out loud to someone, it doesn’t make sense or seem as scary as it was when you were asleep. The point is that, there’s no real way to convey exactly how you feel to someone, and with that being the case, whose fault is it really that you feel alone?

A final thing I’ve learned these past couple months is that motivation comes from within. We sit on our ass everyday waiting for deadlines to approach so that we will actually feel screwed enough to start on that one assignment. We get asked in professional interviews and by other people who is our motivation, what motivates us to study our majors, why are we passionate about what we do. But we are ultimately left to only our own devices in everything we do. Our desires to not fail is something we carry on for ourselves, and to a person struggling mentally, they can very easily be living without this desire. People can tell you what to do, but at your lowest, all you can think is: why should I give a fuck? I have always taken for granted my motivation to finish school and graduate with a job, but recently I realized these seemingly external forces are very much internal. We are only inspired when we open ourselves to the inspiration. This post should be a testament to that.




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1 comments

  1. very nice post.. I agree that we are only as alone as we make ourselves to be. There were times when I felt so lonely and I wanted to reach out, but then the possibility of being rejected because I knew people were busy were too strong, so I pulled back instead of reaching out. It's not a good feeling at all. Making a new friend certainly helped with the loneliness.

    Arianne | Ayre

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